my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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