What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
