You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
