She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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