ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
