meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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