my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
