Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
