if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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