I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
