I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
