batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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