i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
