I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
