And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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