I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
