Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
