i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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