k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
