yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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