He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i will never coherently bang her
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
