She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize