can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
