You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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