Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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