I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
