girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't tell me you're on acid again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
