you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
