the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
