I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
