1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
