i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
