Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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