Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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