Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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