Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
