Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
