every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
