So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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