All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
