your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
