The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
