There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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