We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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