yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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