I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
