saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
