Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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