It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
