Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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