his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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