She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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