I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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