We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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