I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
