scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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