...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The struggles of a small town man whore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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