The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
