so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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