Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
