i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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