The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
