Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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