That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
