I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
