There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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