Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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