if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she smelled like a LAN party
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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