Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
