I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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