I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
