Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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