Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
