shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
