Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
