Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The best revenge is premature balding
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
