we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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