Who did Billy Mays play for?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
