Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
