how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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