How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He kissed a someone with a penis
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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