i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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