i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
