Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
