Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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