I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize