i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
