I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
