I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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