youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
