found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
a search helicopter?!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
